8 Cities Amazon Should Consider for Its HQ2

Ever since Jeff Bezos announced the prospect of a second Amazon headquarters, or HQ2, to join its Seattle HQ, nearly every city in North America prepared both extravagant and wacky pitches. City leaders rolled out new billion-dollar tax benefits and, in one case, a 21-foot saguaro cactus. City propaganda slipped into 1,000 Amazon product reviews and promises of free Primanti Bros. sandwiches were made for each new Amazon employee.

Ultimately, Amazon kindly curved the bohemian offerings in favor of larger metropolises with more established markets and a higher-rated quality of life. Still though, we think that some of these underdog cities deserve a second look.

Home of the first ever delivery pizza. You could make the argument that this was the genesis of delivery at its core. It led to the insight that humans are more likely to purchase something if it shows up at their door. Then Amazon took this a step further and realized that humans also don’t want to talk to other humans. Pay some homage.

It’s because Amazon already delivers gifts!

Amazon infiltrating its biggest domestic competitor’s home turf is a Bezos power move—there’d be nowhere to hide. The sight of the Waltons running into Bezos at the local watering hole(s) is a must-see. Ain't no half-stepping in the battle for e-commerce market share.

Super tough realization for Bezos, perhaps, but Neil Patrick-Harris, Walter White and Demi Lovato might be ‘Querque’s most recognizable hometown heroes. If his birthplace won’t show him love, then what’s the point?

Zippia.com determined the laziest U.S. cities using data from the Census Bureau’s most recent five year estimate. Dayton was deemed the laziest city via criteria including lowest average hours worked, shortest commute time and fewest workers per household. By immersing itself into the city’s culture of leisure, Amazon might be able to home in on what makes people enjoy delivery services so much.

Just take over the entire state while you’re at it.

Not sure if you’ve heard of a "brand narrative" but this is pretty much what it means. Work commute via river taxi. Those big sphere things resting in tree canopies. Six weeks in and we’ll have caimans delivering toothbrush heads via Amazon Dash. We’ve reached peak Bezos.

Dangerously inflated real estate prices, traffic gridlock, increased homelessness. Ask some local Seattleites to name HQ2’s new city and this is the name they might give you. Why not lean into it?